For over a decade, Benny Blanco has quietly built a pop empire from behind the curtain. You may not have seen his name on the Billboard charts, but you’ve definitely heard his fingerprints all over them. If you’ve ever belted out “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry, swayed to “Love Yourself” by Justin Bieber, or cried to “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran, Benny was there – crafting hooks, sculpting melodies, and helping define an era of pop music. He’s co-written and produced over 30 No. 1 hits, working with megastars like Rihanna, Halsey, SZA, and The Weeknd. Basically, he’s been quietly shaping the sound of your favorite playlists for years.

And yet – until recently – he was far from a household name.

So how did this behind-the-scenes hitmaker become America’s new sweetheart?
Enter Selena Gomez.

Their collaboration started in the studio, with Blanco producing tracks on Selena’s 2015 Revival album. Nearly a decade later, that working relationship turned personal, blossoming into a romance that caught the public’s attention – and hasn’t let it go since. The two went public with their relationship in late 2023 and confirmed their engagement in December 2024, sending the internet into a collective swoon (or panic if you’re somehow still a “Jelena” fan).

In interviews, Gomez calls Benny a “complete light” in her life. Benny, never one to hold back, gushes:

“I worship the ground she walks on, and I feel like she does the same for me… When I wake up, I think to myself, how can I make Selena’s day better? Because that makes my day better.”

Cue the TikToks. The fan edits. The thinkpieces. The applause.

Suddenly, Benny Blanco – the guy who once described himself as “a goblin” in a 2018 interview – is being hailed as the ultimate boyfriend. Why? Because he listens to her. Compliments her. Supports her. Hugs her in a kitchen selfie. And the internet melts.

As someone who’s loved Benny for years, let me be clear – I’m thrilled he’s getting his flowers. He deserves recognition not just for his work, but for being a seemingly kind and grounded human in an industry known for chaos (aka men treating women… less than desirably). But I also can’t help but ask: why are we celebrating what, at its core, is the bare minimum?

At what point did emotional availability become a personality trait instead of a baseline expectation? Somewhere along the way, we started labeling the simplest acts of partnership as noble gestures. A man says “I’m proud of you,” and it’s headline-worthy. He cuddles his girlfriend in a selfie? Suddenly, we’re printing t-shirts and making fan edits. It’s sweet, sure, but it also reflects a deeper collective ache. We’ve become so accustomed to romantic neglect, mixed signals, and performative love that the mere presence of consistency feels revolutionary.

This isn’t a knock on Benny. If anything, it highlights how much the world wants to celebrate softness in men, we don’t just want to celebrate it when it exists in media – we want to experience it. We’re starving for examples of masculinity that don’t revolve around ego, “success,” or dominance. But we also need to recognize that this “dream man” behavior isn’t magic – it’s just mutual care, respect, and emotional literacy.

I saw a post recently from “Project Nightfall” that summed it up perfectly:

Love isn’t’ some unsolvable mystery.

So while Benny might be America’s sweetheart right now, maybe the bigger question is: why aren’t we expecting this kind of love by default?

Shouldn’t it be standard that a partner is emotionally present, supportive, and respectful? The way Benny reassures Selena – telling her she’s beautiful when she’s vulnerable, championing her when she speaks her truth – it is heartwarming. But the overwhelming public reaction to it says more about how low the bar is than how high Benny is flying (in this regard).

It’s not that he’s doing too little – it’s that everyone else is doing even less.

Their relationship is a reminder of what should be normal in love: communication, affection, and emotional safety. And if watching Benny do that (publicly) helps raise the standard for other men (or anyone), maybe this moment is a necessary celebration of simplicity. Still, the irony isn’t lost on me: a man listens, offers kindness, and doesn’t make his partner cry on live television… and suddenly, he’s the kind of man every woman wants. I’ve heard the phrase “we’re in the trenches” in regards to the dating scene lately, but had no idea it was this bad.

More power to Benny and Selena – but instead of celebrating this “phenomenon” only Selena gets to enjoy, I keep asking why does a man doing the bare minimum feels so extraordinary?